This is when his feelings go deeper than the surface, and he genuinely cares about you as a person. And, here are the respectful replies to respond with: 1. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means theyre happy to see you grow up the way they raised you. Overall, seeing your parents, family and loved ones are proud of you, is a great compliment. What would replace this oh-so-common parenting expression? They note your hard work and dedication and remember the person you were before and admire the person you have become. Knowing someone is proud of you, is indeed one of the most rewarding feelings in the world. They include: courage, commitment, imagination and compassion, and oh yes, patience -- lots of it -- because it doesn't happen overnight. The rest were manual labourers. . Fascinating post in two regards. In these instances, simply saying "Wow" (and meaning it) will let them know you're proud. He thinks you're absolutely wonderful and he's pumped to be in a relationship with you; it's written all over his face. Your email address will not be published. I dislike the phrase entirely, regardless of how we are involved in the individuals life: parent, teacher, mentor, etc. And black adults (57%) are more likely than whites (43%) or Hispanics (42%) to know someone who falls into . Thank you so much! Show your appreciation for their words and use your response to create a positive and constructive environment. Pause before responding. When someone says Im proud of you, they are expressing their admiration and respect for you and that can be a powerful thing. Give yourself time to process your reaction to something before jumping in with a response. Home / How Do I Respond To Im proud of you? What someone else does might make me proud to be his or her friend/teacher/partner/whatever and thats exactly how Ill express it Im proud to be your fill-in-the-blank. ( Or even what youve done makes me proud to call myself your ____). 8. A special note on research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you" prevents future mental illness and suicidal ideation in their children. But worse, my friend thanked them. To be proud of yourself for your success is one thing, for another is to be proud, they had better have seen you come up through the trenches to witness that moment or to have been involved in the process. This has always happened, but in a context like the current one, in which both rivalry and appearances are highly valued elements, it is very common for this class of individuals, educated to become this way, to appear. 10. So tell them it feels like you are bothering them. In this research, children of parents who never said "I'm proud of you" were significantly more likely to contemplate, plan or attempt suicide. July 7, 2020 April 21, 2018 Everything you do is with excellence. The phrase that has always hit me hardest, however, has been "I'm proud of you." Someone saying that they're proud of you implies that, not only are they impressed by what you do and who you are, they also want others to know it. Thanks! Usually friends say "I'm so happy for you" or "Really nice job!" Also, as bilabial says, I like the recognize traits he values in himself, like his thoroughness and carefulness. "I know you have a lot going on . Later, I saw her in a restaurant and apologized for balling her out in public. It makes a difference I think. Paul urged his young companion Timothy to be "a worker who does not need to be ashamed" (2 Timothy 2:15). First, there's physical attraction. And thats enough for me. They may find it difficult to take pride in who they are and what they have achieved. They didn't have to do that. But, the real credit goes to you and you only! This will help to build your self-esteem and will help you to feel more confident. She reciprocated. Well, that means they're impressed, happy, and overjoyed with what you did, achieved, or say something. You: "I have so much to do and not sure how I am going to get it all done.". Rather than the child feeling respected for their efforts, they may feel patronised, put-down. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. I, too, rightly believe that I had little to do with my offspring making his way in life in a manner that is worthy, but as parent, conveying I am proud of you, has distinctive and important meaning. 14. These two simple words"I care"can mean so much to a person who may be feeling like the entire world is against them. To say you're proud of someone is to say that you can relate to them and, if in their shoes, you would be proud of the accomplishment. Because this was someone elses idea. That makes you a living miracle. Bless me that I keep doing bigger things than this. When someone says Im proud of you, its important to take the time to think about how you want to respond. I have always struggled with this word. stories on the Parent Skills website are posted only as opinion or ideas, and are general in nature. If a parent can say, Im proud of you, then can the parent also say the opposite , Children may become dependent on their parents (and others, such as teachers or grandparents) evaluation of their achievements. I'll help with whatever you need to make it . All Rights Reserved. Ive been lurching between How can you be proud of someone elses children? but then challenging that with But then as we do both have a close relationship with her we probably have had some influence on how shes turning out . When you respond to someones words of admiration with gratitude, youre showing that you value and respect them. While "sb is proud of him" can express positive meaning. 16. Thank you for your kind words.. You can accomplish anything that you put your mind to. Updated: Dec. 11, 2020. I think you deserve the credit for this all. Let them know that you are grateful for their support. Here are some examples of ways you can respond to Im proud of you: These responses will show your appreciation for their words and will help to strengthen your relationship. Your partner is really happy about the achievement that you have made in your life or career. In this sense, a mentor is a parent that you choose, and the desire for his or her love and approval is as natural as the desire for that of a parents pride. What does it mean when a woman says she's proud of you? I agree with you: its sad that he did what my parents should have done. Here I would say something like, Youre so talented!/Thats brilliant! I would almost join FB in order to make the comment, Why are you proud and impressed? From that day on, I felt like I couldnt really trust him, and now I know why. Praise such as this is a subject on its own much research and many, many books have been written on the negative aspects of praise. (I'd prefer "Congratulations! But some of us never heard the expression in our lives till we were adults. Image used under license from Shutterstock, research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you", protective role in a their child's mental health, Should Children And Parents Be Friends? Family Tree. Most of the time you spend together is in the bedroom. Didnt your manager think you were capable of putting such a report together? I dont think my children have any problem with this because they know, in many other ways, I love them dearly. My sons grew up together and are spaced two years apart. 11. In most situation expresses negative connotations, such as "He is very ", which means he is over proud of himself (). Best of BBC Future. My friends tell me that rather often so like once every month or so, which I think is a lot, if you say it more often you'll take it for granted for sure. Lets see where we can go with this. The best way to do this is to express your own feelings of appreciation. Linda Adams, in her book Be Your Best, quotes Charleszetta Waddles (African American activist): You cant give people pride, but you can provide the kind of understanding that makes people look to their inner strengths and find their own sense of pride. Let me tell you why. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Just the way you look and react to your husband can give the impression that you are honored to be his wife. He gets a "that's nice". I now understand that its because I dont feel superiority over anyone, and Im perfectly happy with that . I googled a sentence on this topic to see if anyone had written on it (hoping they had). ), Partner: "I'm proud of you for landing that job", While you might understand that your partner is being supportive, might you also feel a bit miffed? Yea, Thank you is not the only response. I was damned proud of her for overcoming this setback and told her so. If a friend said it to me, I might say "Thank you", but I'd be thinking "Well, who gave you authority over me, then?". The key words (for this discussion) are creditable to oneself. Thank you for starting this. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre also taking advantage of the power of positive reinforcement. Briefly, some difficulties include: Four-year-old John shows his Mum a painting he's just done. Required fields are marked *. You are happy they are an ambassador for you. Simply thanking them or hugging them is an immediate reaction to it. It does not take it away from them. A: It's not necessarily wrong to take pride in our work, of course; if we don't, our work will probably end up sloppy or incomplete. Imperfect, striving, playful, loving, learning. One man said, "I am so proud of my partner when we are at receptions together; many men are around her wishing to make love to her . And why should I stop using this phrase? Benjamin Franklin Positive, Forgiveness, Respect 985 Copy quote Imagine this: Four-year-old John shows his Mum a painting he's just done. If you're a friend, it's friendly. 1. It isnt. Exactly the information I was looking for thank you! How many people in your life can say, "I'm proud of you," and you take it fully and without any sort of resentment or dismissal? They often tell each other they are proud of one anothers achievements and they all know its genuine. Totally the sort of thing that deserves a fist to the nose. "If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties-someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is . 16. First, he is probably higher status / higher power. Thank you all, too. "I wish I had met you. The administrator takes no responsibility for any action or outcome a reader may make as a result of reading a post. Hosted by Pressable. Graduates: TBA, Grandparents: PET for Grandparents. Its my feeling that I should only express pride in something Ive accomplished. After the game I took her back to her car, gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Proud Boys chairman Enrique Tarrio poses with a Proud Boys member at a rally in Delta Park in Portland, Oregon, on September 26, 2020. Setting goals you can achieve, also called "realist goals," reduces the chance of frustration or doubting yourself or your abilities. Truly grateful to have such a loving family. Suddenly I found myself questioning my rather lame Im thrilled for you. 7. And, you are the best thing ever to happen to me. The most important thing is to show your appreciation and gratitude for their words. If this is the case, then of whom is the parent really proud? Who are children then living their life for - themselves, or their parent? For Stein, the worst compliment is hearing: "You've lost soooo much weight! I am still so mad, but I havent said anything about it. This is a noble endeavor. Congratulations to our dearest son. Set realistic goals. A Summer Like No Other - Bushfires, Fear, Famly, Hope and Change, Preparing To Say Goodbye Even As I Hug Hello, When I Realised That Being A Parent To An Adult Is Different To Being A Parent Of A Child, Setting Limits Sets Limits On Children Learning to Discipline Themselves, Learning to Take The Back Seat As A Parent, As My Child Moves To Adulthood, Am I Treasuring The Moments? The truth here is, different people say and hear different things in the expression Im proud of you.. Here are 5 other ways to say "I'm proud of you" to older children: 06 "It's been an honor to watch you grow up." This can be used for both a teen and an adult. She only ever said it once but it has stuck with me forever: Plus, they also express how proud they are, when you do something special for them. Larissa's writing has been published in Huffington Post Australia, Early Childhood Australia's blog 'The Spoke'; Her Canberra, Gordon Training International blog, and Generation Next blog. I did like here. I wouldnt say Im proud of you in this situation. Ben Casnocha It is a darn good thing that you wrote your opinion; that I found it tonight, and that comments continue to be accepted. Its powerful. . He may understand you have daddy issues and need a masculine pat on the back. Can't you do something different?" May God's blessings be bestowed upon you forever and always. I have a little brother who is rather insecure and jealous of me, a very controlling person that thinks having a relationship with each other means that I put up with him trying to make me feel less than in the power scheme, which is precisely why I totally avoid him My YOUNGER brother about my creative talents has to say..I am extremely proud of you..for a bit, this has thrown me off, and I was not able to quite articulate how this really got under my skin, why I did a search on the phrase and have been thinking about itand yeah, it does seem a major insult when an emotionally uncool person whose relationship with you should be on equal terms has to act like a parent, always making a show of being the bigger man saying boy, I am so proud of you. It can be difficult to respond to Im proud of you if youre struggling with self-doubt. The Next Giant Leap. Don't disguise it as concern, either. Had I ever thought about the meaning behind these words? Consequently I now cringe every time I hear the term being used out of context . So, if youve achieved something in your educational or professional field, and someone informs you theyre proud of you, it means you did a great job there. It seems to me that the authors of the study used the phrase 'I'm proud of you' as a catch-all measurement, to reflect a parent's emotional connection with, and support, for, their child - and that it was this emotional involvement that provided protection against suicidal ideation. Words have power and they can have a profound effect on us. They have everything to do with your strength, and what you've endured. When someone tells you that they are proud of you, not only are they impressed by something you did and who you are, but they also want others to know it. Language gets corrupted. 13. Sept. 29, 2020, 8:12 PM PDT / Updated Sept. 30, 2020, 5:34 AM PDT. Basically, its an ambiguous expression. What if you really are proud of the person? Marilyn, My life changed the day I heard Mr. Rogers tell me he liked me just the way I was. I admire your ability to ___________. It is an accomplishment that makes good memories in life. Here subject and object are the same person. Thanks, buddy! Talents Compliments. 7. Express your own feelings of appreciation and gratitude. Friend: "At least you have a job or daughter.". but with my Mothers words of wisdom always echoing. I dont think that without your support I can make it. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means they're happy to see you grow up the way they raised you. And John is left feeling confused and despondent. Make sure to take the time to think about how you want to respond. Its obviously a powerful word. Is it a parent speaking to a child, for instance, or a friend to a friend? On Wednesday, a Proud Boy leader, Joseph . Someone has just gone out of their way to say something nice to you. relationship advice marriage advice Women love advice. The only people there who went to university were the pharmacist, the physician/surgeon, lab technologist, x-ray technician and the like, as well as the school teachers. This is 20 years ago, and I still remember this moment. Reading the Parent Effectiveness Training book, or attending a PET course, will help develop positive and respectful parent-child relationships, and explore alternatives to praise. Yeah, this means a lot to me. So, the next time someone says Im proud of you, remember to take the time to think about how you want to respond. You certainly will. What are we trying to say or do, when we innocently, and with the best of intentions, praise our children with "Im proud of you"? I am in awe of your talent and accomplishments. Thank you so much. I agree that its a phrase that is really reserved for the individual doing, or accomplishing something, i.e. Thank you so much for this great compliment. It is arrogant. 3. This expression is much more self-focused, i.e. Overall, its reserved for people who you trust and respect. Why are you taking the credit for my effort? (I'd prefer "Congratulations! I think we need to invent another word for that wonderful feeling in our own chest when someone we care for does something they feel proud about and we agree that they should feel proud. Thanks for all the interresting comments and opinions on how people use the phrase Im proud of you. 4. Who determines the meaning of words? He may not have been able to think of something better or funny so he settled for that. I live about 200 miles from the old college & she lives in the same town as the college is located. You are taking joy in someone else doing good. I know Im a couple of years behind, but was thinking about it this morning. . 2. They mean the exact opposite of what you think. Rather, relationship skills where we communicate respectfully by listening, by positive I-Messages, by problem solving with our child, will help ensure our children feel connected and valued, and provide our children with a sense of emotional safety. 2. Is your partner proud because they can now be associated with a high achiever? How Do I Tell Him I Like Him The Best Method (Proven), What Does It Mean When She Calls You Daddy, Im so glad that youre proud of me. Well done!. The words hit me like a . So thank you, mom and dad! 12. And you get to benefit from them regardless of the outcome of your relationship. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre reinforcing the positive behavior that you want to see in yourself and others. And now, that you have the other responses to I am proud of you, you can share the same based on whos saying this and after which event. Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). But to be proud of them? Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling. Sajeev Rajan The proud feeling transcends from child to parent. So you better know in which tone theyre saying so. We had a really nice time. A parent might say this to a child, perhaps. It can be something big or something small it doesnt matter, because the phrase is used to show their appreciation for your efforts and accomplishments. "I'm proud of you" is often associated with mentor-mentee relationships, something that a teacher or parent might say. Anyone could tell how proud he is to be with you by the giant grin that's plastered on his face when you two are together. If youre proud of me, buy me a pizza, then. I wanted to know whether or not I was overreacting.He had no hand in my achievements and since he was the one who caused me those problems, I feel he has lost every right to use that phrase with me. When someone says they are busy, it could mean that they are busy. He's proud of you. This can help to create stronger relationships and can help to create a positive and constructive environment. 03:48. (thanks to TK and Andy for helping think this through.). However what messages might our children actually hear? 4 . 12. 1. By being proud of me that person shares their mind and soul with my mind and soul and includes me in a certain extended period of that persons life. Use words that will strengthen your relationship. Updated 7th September 2016; and 19th April 2019. A very concise and articulate post. Im glad I found this interesting discussion, as I just had a man I am seeing state I am proud of you and it made me feel great, yet at the same time realized that it can come from a position of higher power so I needed to contemplate the relationship. Likewise, these are special, cute, and funny replies when someone says I am proud of you and you dont know what to respond next. I say it often to former students. I wish everyone had a genuine friend like you. 2. 15. Ive told you that, youre going to feel proud of me. So - when a parent says, "Im so proud of you", is the parent taking the credit for the childs accomplishments? Id have fallen over from shock if I ever heard it from anyone in my family (& still would!). Granted that in many relationships, Im proud of you would strike a patronizing or otherwise false note. John decides to replicate his painting (for the reward of praise, not for his own sense of improvement and competence), and looks up at his mother with rapturous expectation. I think its about the underlying meaning of these words to a child. I am here for the same reason. Thanks. You have always been there for me and our friendship is something that will never go away. Encouraging children and others to be proud of themselves is healthier. Im excited, are you? Be proud of you." - Oprah Winfrey 3. "I had no idea". I'm so proud of you" I say things like "I love seeing you so happy with your work" and "I love seeing your words in print". Im proud of myself, although saying it out loud doesnt make it better. Whatever I did, I just did it for our friendship, Bro. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Be proud that you are here. You must be so proud of how you're doing!"). A person receiving this praise could also feel belittled it could feel as though their achievement was unexpected - a surprise to the other person. Is it OK to respond to "I am proud of you" with "Me to", "So do I", and "I am too", and "I am proud of you too"? Better Responses 2023. facilitator, with over 1000 parents completing the course with her. I can point them out to my friends and say, Those are my sons!. Is the childs achievement actually a reflection of their parents achievement? They may continually search for praise from their bosses, their co-workers, their partners. This is a very interesting discussion for me. So thank you Ben, for after read the above I feel happy with my Im thrilled for you, You must feel really proud and the like. What is BBC Future? I didnt expect that this would mean so much for us. Im proud of myself, too. This post was actually very helpful for me! Most of the time, having pride about someone else comes from a place of superiority. Pause, take a deep breath, and remember who you really are. Here are seven possible ways to interpret his compliment. The phrase "Im proud of you" insinuates that the speaker (parent, teacher, co-worker, boss) has more experience, or power, or in some manner has the right to pronounce their opinion, on someone elses effort. That would have shown so much more appreciation for what I do 24 hours a day, instead of a measely Im proud of you.. I dont know that you provided a litmus test, but the article acted as such for me. Children whose parents constantly say "I'm proud of you" may grow to be adults who rely on other people's opinion of them for validation. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means theyre happy to see, 43 Motivational Messages For Hard Working Boyfriend, funny excuses to ask for money from your parents, How to tell your parents that you have a girlfriend, 9 Best Answers To How Was Your Interview?, 16 Clever Comebacks When Someone Tells You To Grow Up, 18 Best Responses To Backhanded Compliments On Social Media. "Scorned ex-girlfriends are the worst. 2. You haven't said who is speaking to whom. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. To me, to be proud of someone, you do not have to be above them in any way although that is usually the case ie older or more experienced (or snobbish if that is how you are) To me, you do have to have some connection with the person you are proud of. "Well," you respond with enthusiasm, "I'm so excited right now. I thought who gave you the superiority, you seem to be giving yourself for my accomplishment My friend didnt understand. What does it mean when someone tells you that they are proud of you? Don't remind them how far they've come. Yes, I agree that it can also be very strong coming from siblings and spouses/lovers. Based on the situation and who says this, heres a list of better responses to pick. Sometimes a simple change of scenery might help you to stop thinking negative thoughts. Thank you, mom and dad, youre the reason for this. You might say: "I'm so proud of you for trying to quit smoking. It can also help to show appreciation to others and can help to create stronger relationships. Our children need to know that we believe in them, that we trust them, that we support them, that we love them, that we acknowledge them as individuals separate from us. It reaffirms the choice you made is good and right, nothing more. "Be proud of your scars. I have a one year old boy and a two month old boy, and I had my first day back at work yesterday. When someone says "I'm proud of you", they are expressing their admiration and respect for you - and that can be a powerful thing. Thats why we feel pride in our childrens accomplishments. Youre the most amazing parents and thank you for believing in me. Continually acting to seek the approval of a parent is onerous for a child. Because of this, it might feel awkward to say "I'm proud of you" to a friend or colleague, even if you mean it. So happy for us! Here are other litmus tests I've blogged about. Instead, I try implementing the approach from Parent Effectiveness Training (PET), a peaceful, gentle approach to parenting, that teaches respectful communication skills, and offers alternatives to using rewards (such as praise), or punishments (such as saying "Im disappointed"). 17. When your partner is mad at you, your flirty responses to I hate you will certainly make them laugh. But what does proud mean? Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. 3. I wasnt happy with this performance. One of the most common phrases they use to express their feelings is Im proud of you. 13. 0. For many of us, hearing this phrase is like a warm hug. They are much more aware and can see through false motivation easily. Yeah, If grandpa was here, he would have said the same.